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Loving Adeline

Loss, Infertility, Parenthood and Beyond

You are here: Home / Blog / Walk to Remember

Walk to Remember

October 15, 2018 Blog, Infertility & Loss

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October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and yesterday Dylan and I attended the P.S. Walk to Remember for the first time. The family friendly event is put on by P.S. Parent Support to honor and remember all children who have passed far too soon.

lovingadline - walk to remember

The walk was short and very sweet through the wooded area of Newcastle Beach Park in Bellevue, Washington. Pink, Blue and White balloons danced above the loving friends and families heads as they walked with purpose, love and remembrance. The spectacular October sunlight filtered in through the trees and bounced off the children’s names, birth/loss dates and heartfelt notes written on the balloons.

“Stay Tender” shirt from Hunt Adventure Society

The walk concluded on a wood dock jutting out over the water of Lake Washington, with people of all ages tucking in closely to one another. Friends and family tenderly held white carnations (provided by the event hosts) as they bowed their heads for a message and poem.

“You are not alone. With the support, we survive, we heal, and we grow. To our children that we have spoken of today, the message is, we remember you, we miss you. And most of all, we love you.”

A moment of silence followed with the release of the carnations into the water.

It was at “and most of all, we love you” that the tears rolled down my cheeks. What a beautiful message, and a beautiful day to remember our children alongside others who have encountered the same sorrow.

It’s such a bittersweet event to be apart of. It saddens me everyday to be a parent of a child who isn’t here on earth with us. It’s frustrating that I am someone who seeks events out for bereaved parents. But, how lucky we are to have a safe place to grieve, to have a community of complete strangers that can connect with you like no one else can, and to have the opportunity to walk in remembrance for our own losses, as well as all others.

lovingadline - walk to remember

It was a day I got to smile.

It was a day I got to cry.

It was a day I got to remember.

And remember, publicly, without feeling any guilt, or shame, or inadequacy.

lovingadline - walk to remember

Adeline, your dad and I think about you every single day. We miss you.

“And most of all, we love you.”

If you have lost a pregnancy or infant and are hesitating to connect with others, I encourage you to try to start in some small way. It’s a beautiful place to heal, together. (My inbox is always open).

Loving Adeline-walk to remember

Photo by Darren Coleshill on Unsplash
All other photos by Jean on Loving Adeline

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Luckiest mama on the block ✨ . . @forloveandlitt Luckiest mama on the block ✨
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@forloveandlittles spring collection is 👌🏻 If you are looking for simple, high quality basics for your littles, it’s one of our favorites shops to support. It’s a small shop, local (to seattle), woman owned and gives back to the infertility community. I adore @rechellelewis ‘s heart and her mission is very near and dear to my heart. Check her stuff out! (Not sponsored)
I hope you always explore with your heart and your I hope you always explore with your heart and your eyes wide open, the way you do now. Watching you take on the world is a dream 🖤
.
Tomorrow is the last day to take advantage of 15% off site wide over at @indiegraceco ✨ Use code: JEAN15 to support the sweetest mama and her small shop.
We are going to look back on this time and think a We are going to look back on this time and think about how:
.
We didn’t hug our people for over a year.
In fact, we didn’t see most of our people either.
We didn’t see a single persons smile outside of our home.
How much we missed as second time first time parents.
We stretched grocery shopping to 2 weeks, and turned to online shopping wherever and whenever possible to avoid the risk of going to stores.
We felt isolated, frustrated and emotional on many days.
.
AND we will also remember:
.
We were given the gift of time as a family.
We embraced the slowness of life.
We protected our health and the health of our loved ones by staying safe, staying home and wearing our masks.
We saw B roll over, crawl, climb, walk and discover things in his surroundings for the first time.
We ate breakfast, lunch and dinner at the table together, every single day.
We rocked you, and read the same nap time book, for every single nap every single day.
We waved to the garbage person every Thursday and the mail carrier each afternoon from our front porch.
We read, and read, and read, and read some more and danced, and danced, and danced some more.
We breastfed, we bonded, we laughed and learned and cried and learned and knew even at the hardest and most frustrating moments of juggling a pandemic, working remotely and raising a baby turning into a toddler in front of our eyes, that we were the lucky ones.
.
What’s one thing you never want to forget about this crazy time in our life during a global pandemic?
Just a little brother loving on his big sissy bear Just a little brother loving on his big sissy bear 🤍
.
A friend of ours made B this bear with Adeline’s swaddle and stitched her name into it. Such a treasure.
•
•
•
•
•
#lovingadeline #togetherwearebrave #ivfsuccess #FETsuccess #toddlerhood #parentingafterloss #rainbowbaby #motherhoodisdarling #watchthemgrow #magicalchildhood #mymotherhood #holdthemoments #embracingaslowlife #littlemamamoments #mommyblog #mothering #mamahood

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Copyright © 2018 Loving Adeline

Luckiest mama on the block ✨ . . @forloveandlitt Luckiest mama on the block ✨
.
.
@forloveandlittles spring collection is 👌🏻 If you are looking for simple, high quality basics for your littles, it’s one of our favorites shops to support. It’s a small shop, local (to seattle), woman owned and gives back to the infertility community. I adore @rechellelewis ‘s heart and her mission is very near and dear to my heart. Check her stuff out! (Not sponsored)
I hope you always explore with your heart and your I hope you always explore with your heart and your eyes wide open, the way you do now. Watching you take on the world is a dream 🖤
.
Tomorrow is the last day to take advantage of 15% off site wide over at @indiegraceco ✨ Use code: JEAN15 to support the sweetest mama and her small shop.
We are going to look back on this time and think a We are going to look back on this time and think about how:
.
We didn’t hug our people for over a year.
In fact, we didn’t see most of our people either.
We didn’t see a single persons smile outside of our home.
How much we missed as second time first time parents.
We stretched grocery shopping to 2 weeks, and turned to online shopping wherever and whenever possible to avoid the risk of going to stores.
We felt isolated, frustrated and emotional on many days.
.
AND we will also remember:
.
We were given the gift of time as a family.
We embraced the slowness of life.
We protected our health and the health of our loved ones by staying safe, staying home and wearing our masks.
We saw B roll over, crawl, climb, walk and discover things in his surroundings for the first time.
We ate breakfast, lunch and dinner at the table together, every single day.
We rocked you, and read the same nap time book, for every single nap every single day.
We waved to the garbage person every Thursday and the mail carrier each afternoon from our front porch.
We read, and read, and read, and read some more and danced, and danced, and danced some more.
We breastfed, we bonded, we laughed and learned and cried and learned and knew even at the hardest and most frustrating moments of juggling a pandemic, working remotely and raising a baby turning into a toddler in front of our eyes, that we were the lucky ones.
.
What’s one thing you never want to forget about this crazy time in our life during a global pandemic?
Just a little brother loving on his big sissy bear Just a little brother loving on his big sissy bear 🤍
.
A friend of ours made B this bear with Adeline’s swaddle and stitched her name into it. Such a treasure.
•
•
•
•
•
#lovingadeline #togetherwearebrave #ivfsuccess #FETsuccess #toddlerhood #parentingafterloss #rainbowbaby #motherhoodisdarling #watchthemgrow #magicalchildhood #mymotherhood #holdthemoments #embracingaslowlife #littlemamamoments #mommyblog #mothering #mamahood
Every once in awhile you just need a farm animal o Every once in awhile you just need a farm animal on the feed, yknow? 🐐
•
•
•
•
•
#lovingadeline #togetherwearebrave #ivfsuccess #FETsuccess #toddlerhood #parentingafterloss #rainbowbaby #motherhoodisdarling #watchthemgrow #magicalchildhood #mymotherhood #holdthemoments #embracingaslowlife #littlemamamoments #mommyblog #mothering #mamahood
Just give this boy equal parts outdoor adventures, Just give this boy equal parts outdoor adventures, piles of books and music and you have the recipe for a VERY happy B.
.
.
Thank you, @indiegraceco for gifting Beckett this adorable boho little explorer tee - it is so him 🤍
.
.
Use code JEAN15 for 15% off at @indiegraceco / small Canadian based shop with mama and baby items, all hand made. ✨
•
•
•
•
•
#lovingadeline #togetherwearebrave #ivfsuccess #FETsuccess #toddlerhood #parentingafterloss #rainbowbaby #motherhoodisdarling #watchthemgrow #magicalchildhood #mymotherhood #holdthemoments #embracingaslowlife #littlemamamoments #mommyblog #mothering #mamahood
It’s been a minute since I took a selfie but thi It’s been a minute since I took a selfie but this day deserves to have a place here.
.
On March 2, last year I packed a lunch, my pump bag and cried the whole way to work as I returned to teaching after being on maternity leave. I had 11 students absent because families were worried about the new virus in town - COVID-19. By Thursday of that week, our district was one of the first to shut its doors in the country and rapidly set up a plan for remote learning.
.
Exactly one year later, I got my first dose of the vaccine. I cried tears of joy and relief as I drove away - feeling hopeful that a sense of normalcy is on the horizon.
.
This past year has been wild. There’s been so many ups and downs. I’ve sold my sole to my job, working around the clock to make sure my students are still learning, still growing, still loving learning while trying to ignore the people on the internet causing a stink that teachers “are getting off easy” and “need to get back to work.”
.
I’ve been given the gift of time with Beckett and have not missed a single second of his first 16 months of life (other than the few days that schools were open when I returned). We’ve had breakfast, lunch and dinner at the table as a family every single day. I’ve grieved the fact that yet again I don’t get to share new parenthood with anyone, just in a very different way.
.
Not one single person has been in our home for over a year, we haven’t seen any family but one time in July and Beckett really doesn’t know anything other than us. 
.
But we’re healthy. And now I’m vaccinated and Dylan gets his first dose on Monday. Hope and hugs are on the horizon. 🤍
Happy birthday, Adeline. Year five. The edges aren Happy birthday, Adeline. Year five. The edges aren’t as jagged anymore from day to day but when the waves come crashing, they still feel just as intense and heavy. You would have been the best big sister to Beckett. He points to the Angel in his room in the mornings and we say “good morning” everyday. He gave me a kiss from his “Addie Bear” at bedtime tonight. He knows. I’m just so angry I can’t watch the two of you grow up together. We all love you so much and miss you and wish you were here with us.
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📸: @maplehollowphotography
Necklace: @seededhope
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