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Loving Adeline

Infertility and Pregnancy & Infant Loss

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Grief ~ Pregnancy and Infant Loss ~ Infertility ~ Pregnancy, Motherhood and Life After Loss

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lovingadeline

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Y’all. I’m working on writing B’s birth story + oh my word! 🥰 Looking back on these pictures is just making me all kinds of emotional 😭. Moments after being born, our little miracle. ✨

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Happy 4th birthday in heaven, Adeline. 👼🏼
My heart still aches for you but I’m looking forward to spending all the years to come telling your brother just how special you are. ♥️
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🖼 by: @pencil.me.in.by.jess

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Let me tell you about my new friend - both started in a petri 🧫 at @srmfertility and now we’re here. I think she likes me, mom.
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It’s so amazing to see these two together. Thank you for the baby hangs, @jennyleeyoung 🧡

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Seattle - it is so crazy beautiful here. But, it’s also really cold 🥶. And gray ☁️. And wet ☔️. Especially this time of year. You may have heard me before say that February is my annual threaten to move home month. Well, here I am 🙋🏻‍♀️, it’s February and I 👏🏼CANT 👏🏼STOP 👏🏼 looking at homes in California. I miss the sun, like the real sun, the warm ☀️. I’m over the congestion and traffic and gray and how inconvenient it is to do anything. I’m real bummed out that my family is so far away. There’s no real point to this post other than the fact I’m cold and homesick 😭. Anyhow. Thank you for attending my pity party.
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#imcold #winterisstupid #homesick #californiaonmymind

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Mommas littlest Valentine 🥰

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I love you more than I love these 10 Things I Hate About You vibes 🥰
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#happyvalentinesday #forevervalentine #seattlevibes #gasworkspark #10thingsihateaboutyou

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Happy anniversary. You are my favorite person to annoy and definitely a pretty cute dad 🥰😘

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Three months old! 🐻
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I love: tummy time, cuddles, bath time 🛁 (especially the fun song that goes with it!), and books. I love to flail my arms all over the place, playing with toys that crinkle 🧸, smile lots and I think it’s hilarious when my parents get my nose 👃! My new bassinet 🧺, the snoo, is pretty cozy and I love to give a big stretch and smile when waking up. I’ve learned how to squeal 😛and it is so fun when someone squeals back at me.
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I do not love: sleeping 🤷At 12 weeks I had my first 4-6 hour stretches and then at 13 weeks, I decided that was getting boring and I missed my mom in the middle of the night 🥰.
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I’m still not so sure about: the swing, the high chair and the dog. That dog thinks my toes are some kind of snack and she always barks by my face! 🐕 She’s an ok guard dog but her volume is stuck on high 🙉.
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During this month: I found my hands and they are delicious! I’m melting hearts with big, gummy, real smiles and I’m so close to laughing 😆. I rang in my first New Years, went to the zoo 🦛 for the first time, had my first snow days, had a visit from my grandparents on daddies side and stole mommies bestie, Janelle’s, heart.
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My parents are: mind boggled at newborn sleep 🙃, loving parenthood and soaking up every moment. They are amazed at how I’m changing everyday and are such good cheerleaders 📣 for every little thing I can do - even when I pass gas 💥.

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We had brunch with some friends a couple weekends ago and they told us “the only consistent with children is change.”
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And DANG, were they right. There is a sleep haters club in this house with only one member - you guessed it! This squish 🥰. Until last week! When he hit 12 weeks on the dot and decided he loves sleep!
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We swirled into that pink bubbly cloud of parenthood where you feel rested and the rumors are true, you LEGIT just forget how awful sleep deprivation is and suddenly you want all the babies again.
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But THEN! As those wise friends told us, “the only consistent is change,” and then last night I was up ALL 👏🏼 NIGHT 👏🏼 LONG 👏🏼 but when this is the sleepy face staring back at you, you cry from tiredness but you’re then crying even harder because you get to be this kids parent.
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Y’all. Babies are mind boggling creatures. Parenthood is a trip. Sleep is a NECESSITY OF LIFE.
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That is all. Goodnight (ha!) 🙃

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First nap in his crib. BRB, crying 😭
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#babylettoinspo

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Low quality photo • High quality snugs 🤗
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Lots of postpartum chins • Even more love 💕
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These are the Saturday mornings I’ve dreamed of 🌞

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Hey mama,
I want you to know that even though you walked through a blazing fire to arrive at parenthood doesn’t make you exempt from having hard days.
The hard days still come.
I want you to know that you don’t need to fight them, or feel guilty about them. I want you to know that you mustn’t feel like you can’t talk about them with others because you think you shouldn’t complain about something you cried and begged for on your knees.
The hard days still come.
And you’re allowed to have them.
You are not any less of a mother for having days that feel impossible or any less grateful because you vocalized that today was shitty.
You’re doing the best you can, and you’re the best mother for your child. It’s ok to say, “today was awful” and trying again tomorrow. I know you know more than anyone that tomorrow is never guaranteed but please give that baby a kiss goodnight and tell them you love them and take a minute to tend to yourself. Take a nap. Stretch. Eat a pint of ice cream. Read. Turn into a pile of mush on the couch. Soak in a bath until the water turns cold. Cry. Scream into a pillow. Don’t do a damn thing. Do whatever allows you to reset.
Mama, the hard days still come but don’t forget to love yourself. Don’t forget to give yourself grace.
It’s ok.
Repeat that.
Out loud.
It’s ok. It’s. Oh. K.
Try again tomorrow.

Xoxo,
The mama that also had a hard day
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📸: @maplehollowphotography

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Favorite snow day to date 🌨
This time last year he was still a little frosty ❄️ (frozen embryo)

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Looking through pictures wondering how in the world it’s been ten weeks of loving you already 🧡

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I can’t wait to see what 2020 has in store for us, what we will accomplish, where we will go, what we will learn, all the things. It’s all better with you. 💛

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It’s tradition to take a walk somewhere by the water together to welcome each new year. Today’s annual walk had a new tagalong {Beckett} and my heart is
F U L L 💞

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2019 was a pretty special year for us. 🌈
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It began with an egg retrieval (on the 2nd of the year!) and ended with our baby boy. I am feeling enormously grateful for what this year brought to my family. I’m also very aware that this isn’t the case for everyone and that so many of you are frustrated for what didn’t come to be or what was lost and I see you. I’ve also spent many years heartbroken about what I was leaving behind and pissed about the one wish we wanted seeming so out of reach. So while I am celebrating what this year was for me, I’m also thinking about what it was not for others. I won’t say “don’t give up,” because that’s not my choice, that’s yours. I won’t say “it will happen,” because none of us know that for sure. What I will say is - you have a strength that I admire you for even when you don’t feel strong at all. Your feelings are valid no matter how messy they are. You’re not in this alone even when you’ve never felt so isolated and alone and misunderstood. I’m rooting for you, however things play out. Your story is beautiful and it matters and I never want you to stop sharing your heart.
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Happy New Years, friends. I love you all. I hope you can close this year with some peace in your heart and hope that this next year (and decade) brings you an abundant amount of love, comfort, joy, wealth and laughter. Lean in.
#happynewyear2020
📸: @maplehollowphotography

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The life that was lived to bring us to this picture was messy, hard, and griefy. I have always found peace in reading others vulnerabilities within their own stories. I am drawn to raw and real people, no matter how hard the story behind their smiles. I was struggling. I started searching hashtags, desperately trying to find other women that knew the heartache of loss and longing of wanting a family that never seemed to come. That’s when a follow, a like, a message here and there led to a rock solid friendship that has saved me, comforted me and supported me in so many ways. Our stories were crazy similar and also very different, our fertility treatments always lining up, the disappointments lining up too. This past year, her daughter Hazel found their family through adoption and we welcomed Beckett through IVF. Finally celebration hugging our families, yet again in very different ways. Hazel and Katie have healed so many cracks in my life. This moment, this picture of us with our children makes my heart swell with so much happiness.
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If your heart is aching in the wait, in the deep hole of grief. If you’re struggling in any way that makes you feel like nobody could possibly understand - the internet isn’t all bad. There’s someone else feeling the same way out there. Also craving the connection and the understanding. It’s not necessary to shout your woes from the rooftops the way in which some have, but finding a community or even just a support person is crucial for your mental health. There’s someone that is guaranteed to support you in this special corner of the internet. #womensupportingwomen
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In 2020 - maybe you can focus on connection. On relationships. Reach out. Open your heart. Fill some deep lines. Heal. ✨

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Merry Christmas 🎄 Love, us.
Last Christmas I was giving myself shots, with no idea if IVF would ever work for us. This Christmas, we have this little miracle. What a wild ride 🎢

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May you never be too grown up to search the skies on Christmas Eve 🦌🎅🏼 🛷

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