A baby shower is not something we thought we would do. I have avoided going to them for the past three years because they are so triggers. I have walked completely around stores to avoid baby things. I have hidden pregnant people and new parents on my Facebook account because it is too hard to […]
So, you’ve planned your whole nursery on Pinterest and maybe you’ve already put it all together perfectly. But what newborn essentials do you actually need when you bring your baby home? There is so much marketed for new parents and babies and it is all SO CUTE and hard to resist. I’m not saying don’t […]
You keep telling me how brave I am. I know you don’t know what else to say to a loss parent. Sometimes I believe you. Sometimes I do feel brave. Sometimes you’re right.
You keep telling me how brave I am. I think I am too.
As NIAW comes to a close, I am once again amazed at the advocacy that is happening around the globe to break the stigma around infertility and empower people to speak out about something that 1 in 8 women struggle with (1 in 6 in Canada). There is a lot of loud voices and shaky […]
You know what my favorite thing about #NIAW (National Infertility Awareness week) is? It is when someone shares out about their family building challenges and infertility for the first time. When someone says “I’ve been so scared of doing this for so long, but here it all is.” They let it out into the universe […]
On February 25th, in the middle of a record breaking snow storm in Seattle and just 5 days after Adeline’s 3rd heavenly birthday, it was Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) day! This is what I wrote after that incredible day: The day is here! It’s time to tuck an embryo safely inside, hopefully to stay for […]
January 1, 2019 – Retrieval Eve Happy New Year! We were up bright and early for my last blood draw before egg retrieval. We drove into Seattle first thing in the morning and we were in and out of the office, quick and easy. It’s our tradition to take a walk somewhere, anywhere, by the […]
What a wild ride 2018 has been! We have endured the financial, physical, emotional and mental stress that comes with both child loss and infertility. We had many unsuccessful clomid rounds (the fertility gateway drug) and 4 failed IUI’s (Intrauterine insemination) and 2 cancelled IUI’s in this past year and have now arrived to IVF […]
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and yesterday Dylan and I attended the P.S. Walk to Remember for the first time. The family friendly event is put on by P.S. Parent Support to honor and remember all children who have passed far too soon. The walk was short and very sweet through the […]
Summer of 2018 has otherwise been known as the summer of IUI’s in this household. My husband started a new job, with new benefits that cover a portion of IUI’s and I was working early shifts with my afternoons open. My husband graduated from his MBA program, and I had the summer off from my […]
It has been the summer of IUI’s. June’s IUI was unsuccessful, and the beginning of July we had our fifth IUI attempt with 5mg of Letrozole and 75iu of Gonal-F. It was like deja vu going through the motions around the Fourth of July again, as that was when we started any kind of medical […]
Dear Self, Happy 32nd Birthday! It’s pretty amazing, if you think about it. A lot has happened in this time, a lot of good, a lot of bad, a lot of joy, a lot of sadness, a lot of anger and a lot of forgiveness, and so much to learn and grow from. They say […]
Triggers. People have triggers all the time in reaction to all kinds of difficulty. It could be a physical thing, place, a feeling, a person, or something someone says. I have them, lots of them. A few examples of things that trigger me after losing my daughter, Adeline, are: Crying babies Babies Baby sections in […]
I thought for sure this IUI would be it. But to be honest, I think that for each one and every time CD1 (Cycle Day 1) shows up it is just as heartbreaking. We just found out IUI number 3 was yet again, unsuccessful. This was our third one, but fourth attempt; we had one […]